found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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