in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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