I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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