How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
