I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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