you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
