Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
