So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
