he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
