I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
