During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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