she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am one with the molecules
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
