yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
