Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
