My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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