the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize