I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
