I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
