I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need a beard to bite.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
