She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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