HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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