Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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