Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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