you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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