Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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