when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
