see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize