No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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