Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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