he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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