Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
