Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
