I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
