Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize