I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
