are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
