everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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