He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
