well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
