this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
