Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize