The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Everclear isn't food dammit
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
