genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize