I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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