We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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