Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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