I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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