the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
