Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
