areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
