I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
