Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
