my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
