I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
