Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
