She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
