It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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