I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When are your genitals available?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
