go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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