upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
