Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
