I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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