So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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