My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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