I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
