It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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