why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
