End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
