so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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