Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
