She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
