hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
