I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
