Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
