I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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