No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
