maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
