I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
