sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
