Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
