these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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