smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
