it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
