i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
