im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
