don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize