You can't special order awesome
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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