I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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