The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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