Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
