omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
