you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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